Dating requires a certain something from you. It’s not good looks, since beautiful people can be shallow and plain people can be captivating. It’s not money because you can create amazing experiences with pocket change.
Is it charisma?
Kind of. But fear not – there’s a type of charisma that even timid, meek folk can tap into.
You don’t even need a pulse for this one. In fact, if zombies could hold a conversation, they’d be great at this. The shuffling, mindless dead have one advantage over you – but that’s okay, as it’s something you can practice.
And, with self-hypnosis, you can enter this state of mind whenever you need to.
Before we talk about this flavour of charisma, let’s talk about its opposites. Stop me if any of these sound familiar:
The conversations fill with awkward pauses, nervous laughter and empty statements about the weather. It gets to the point where you grasp any topic that comes up with both hands.
Then there’s the opposite. One person seizes control of the conversation and peppers the other with questions. Who are you? Where are you from? How big is your family? Each question earns a brief response before moving onto the next. It’s closer to a police interrogation than a date.
As different as these experiences seem, they both have a common cause. They are traps that no zombie would ever stumble into:
You are thinking far, far too much.
Thinking is valuable and it has its place. It’s a question of timing, though. You can plan the date beforehand and come up with some things to say and do. Afterwards, you can reflect on what went well, what didn’t and whether you want to see them again.
During the date, though? Quiet that mind of yours. Embrace your inner zombie.
You can’t think and do at the same time. Each is a complex mental task that uses different parts of the brain. If you’re trying to think of what to say, then you’re not saying something interesting.
That’s not to say you can’t take a moment to gather your thoughts. That’s fine – just don’t spend the entire date there.
The outcome to aim for is when both of you are surprised by what you say. If you script out the conversation, it’ll be stilted and awkward.
Thankfully, self-hypnosis is perfect for this. It’s one of the ideal ways to switch from thinking into doing. Practice it in your quiet moments so you can rely on it when you need it.
The best way to practice is to find a group. Surround yourself with people who can share their experiences, ideas, victories and struggles. It’s the quickest, easiest way to master anything.
And this group has plenty of learning resources, too.
So stop thinking and take action: