How to get over someone

When someone is in your life and then they’re not, it can leave you spinning. It was like they anchored you in place while holding you up – now, you’re collapsing as you spiral out of control.

It can hurt.

This can be a confusing, aggravating and lonely time.

And, worst of all, it can feel like it’s never going to end.

The last thing you want to hear when it feels like your heart has been ripped from your chest are empty platitudes. I will not insult you by commenting on the number of fish in the sea.

(Which is quickly becoming an obsolete metaphor anyway, given how overexploited the marine ecosystem is.)

I’ll say something more useful instead.

Right now, you’re thinking about the past. You think of what you had, but no longer had, and it upsets you. You’re grieving for what you’ve lost.

But let me ask you this:

Will you still be feeling this way in ten years?

Not likely, right? Even if it still hurts (not likely, but possible) so long in the future, it’ll be less unpleasant.

What about two years?

Six months?

Three weeks?

It’s going to get better. Nothing stays the same – things can only move, so look forward to how much you’re going to feel better in the future.

And what if you focus on the present?

You can’t feel all of that in the present moment. Only when your mind wanders back to what you had do the emotions flare up. But there’s no loss in the moment because, right now, you have everything you have right now. Loss only comes into it when you compare now to then.

So focus entirely on now and see what you already have.

If you’re not sure how to do that, here’s my modern take on an ancient practice that’s optimised for this:

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