This might be the dumbest thing I ever write. On the one hand, can it really be that bad if it’s good advice? On the other hand… yeah, no, this is really dumb.
And that’s excellent news. It means most people who read this won’t do it. If you do what I say here, you’ll be one of the chosen few who see dramatic improvements.
So, here it goes. This is the moment where I sacrifice my ego and dignity to share something amazing.
If you want to be a success in your sphere, then I officially recommend that you play make-believe.
“Oh, I get it,” some of you are thinking. “You’re talking about visualisations. Like how athletes imagine themselves at peak performance and winning championships. That’s not so bad.”
Ah, no, not quite.
Have you ever caught children dressing in their parents clothes, clomping around while pretending to visit the doctors? Or maybe they were in the garden, pretending to be kitty cats and fairies?
That’s playing make-believe.
And it might be what your career is missing.
The Law of Attraction is darn popular right now. It’s a belief that your thoughts dictate your reality, that being open to what you want draws it to you. Sometimes this is metaphoric – the openness lets you see more opportunities, for example. Some people mean it literally – a metaphysical process of moving energy around the universe.
I’ll let people decide that one on their own. A short article isn’t going to change your mind.
What I want to pay attention to is its hit rate. Some people swear by it. I’ve heard plenty of folk say that they found love, health and millions through it.
I’ve also heard people say it’s a ridiculous and awkward waste of time.
The truth is that both groups are right. Not every success story is a lie, and not every failed attempt was a lack of effort. It works for some people, but not others.
So what’s missing from the Law of Attraction?
Well, some experts on it think it needs more references to quantum physics.
No one knows why it works, so I won’t pretend to. It doesn’t matter. What’s much more useful is knowing how to make the most of it.
So let’s break it down:
It’s clear how your thoughts dictate your reality. Thoughts prompt action, and action changes your world.
But what thoughts?
A journalist once asked the poet Carl Sandberg what the ugliest word in the English language is. Apparently he considered the question deeply, rolling it around in his mind. After a few moments, he said that the ugliest word is:
Well, I’m not going to argue. I’m many things, but I’m no poet.
So here we go.
I record ugly audios that’ll help everything from sleep to self-confidence. These hideous files use hypnosis to shift loose the blockages in your mind. With disciplined listening, they can transform everything from the convenience of your home or commute.
They are repulsively available to Awakened Thought subscribers, though.
The library of these disgusting hypnotic audios grows each month. Loyal subscribers can even request audios on specific topics. It’s the best way to ensure you get the most out of the subscription.
That’s not all, though. They also get vomit-inducing newsletters, full of practical tips, scientific research and words that subtly bypass whatever holds you back.
And they get horrendous bonuses – free gross material and disagreeable discount codes for other products. These discounts are great – they’re so good, most months pay for themselves.
It may be unpleasant to look at, but it can be yours within minutes.
All you need to do is read this soothing, pleasing on the eyes sales letter:
“Everyone is unique” is another way of saying “everyone is tough to market to”. If you’re the only one with a problem, don’t expect to find a convenient solution.
At least, you’d think that’s the case…
People approach hypnotists with the strangest issues sometimes. I’m not poking fun of anyone here. Pain is pain, no matter what form it takes. But if you think you’ve heard everything…
“I write and post threatening letters to the Russian government in my sleep.”
“When I eat citrus, I scratch my left eyebrow til it bleeds.”
“My hand gets stuck to the steering wheel when I drive south in spring rain.”
These questions often lead to, “is there a hypnosis product that’ll resolve my issue?”
Sorry, folks. Your issues are too weird. It’s not that they’re not easy to resolve with hypnosis, it’s more that you’re a market of one. Unless you can afford property in Sydney or San Francisco, you by yourself are not a lucrative market.
But not all is lost. You can hire a hypnotist to work through your problem. When seeing clients, everyone is a market of one. They’ll get to the root of your thing, or at least make it more manageable.
It’ll cost you, though. That’s why you were asking about products – you were hoping for a nice, cheap, easy dose of hypnosis to set you right, right?
Once more, hope shines eternal.
Sure, you could pay mega bucks to see a professional.
You could pay moderate bucks to learn self-hypnosis. Once you know how it works, then it doesn’t matter what your issue is. After all, you’re more than happy to see you as a client. You’ll get the best rates, and you won’t quit til it’s finished.
And it future-proofs you against other weird issues showing their ugly mugs.
It’s the help you need at a fraction of the cost – in other words, it’s the smart play.
Read some of the benefits here:
Have you ever seen a political argument where both sides were wrong? I sure hope so – if not, think about listening to a broader range of views. Politics is the mind killer, so there’s been a lot of stupidity around for the last… oh, forever.
I’ve avoided the Kavanaugh news as best I could, like how I avoid all news. You have the choice between being well informed and being smart. It should be the easiest choice in the world, but I suppose the media has our respect for some reason.
I mean, I’m not even American. It couldn’t be less relevant to me. “But it’s a sign of the problems with modern Western culture!” Sure, and so are a thousand other things. I’m not going to bark, either in Kavanaugh’s defence or against him, just because the media said so.
Sexual assault is bad and should be punished. Is there anything else I could say that would help? Is there anything I can do that will serve justice?
All right, then, I’ll be over here, trying to build something.
Like I say, I avoid short spins of the news cycle. I spent years building something resembling peace of mind – I’m not about to trade that for some cheap, ad-riddled thrills.
Well, they had to drag hypnosis into it.
Fine. I’ll wade into this to explain why you’re all wrong.
Pet food distributers aren’t dumb. Have a look at dog food advertisements and you’ll see what I mean. They have pictures of happy dogs, smiling dogs, healthy dogs…
Someone off the street might think they design the food to appeal to canines. They don’t. Dogs are a factor, sure, but they’re not the main one.
After all, dogs don’t buy dog food. Their humans do.
Those pictures of happy dogs aren’t about the pet at all. They’re about how the owner will feel, having wisely provided this joyful meal.
Not that you need convincing on this obvious point, but consider that dog food contains colouring agents. Seeing as how dogs are colour blind, it ain’t in there for them.
Marketers follow the money. They’d never make the mistake of marketing to the dogs.
This is a great analogy for how people mess up personal development.
How much do you think you need to do each day? There are billions of people to forge relationships with. There are trillions of hobbies, exercises and opportunities out there. Go sample them all – you won’t find your passion until you do.
And don’t forget to take time for yourself.
It’s like those morning programs – you know the ones I mean. A panel of people interview whoever they can find, spruiking the next latest fad. Some of those fads are even worthwhile. The problem is that there’s just so many of them.
I love that parody of those shows that some of my fellow Aussies have seen. The guest introduces them to night gardening, which is just like regular gardening only you can’t see anything.
The session ends with one of the hosts saying, “there, another f**king thing for you to f**king do.”
That line cracks me up every time. Sure, there’s more that you could be doing… but you can’t do most of it. Keep cramming things into your life and something’s gonna give.
Unless, of course, you choose your projects wisely.
I caught a new trailer for Venom today. It shows Eddie Brock trying to use meditation to control Venom – his evil alien symbiote. He tries it, but “it doesn’t work”.
It reminds me of a couple of things. One is a quote whose source I can’t find. I must have read it on social media or something. It goes:
“Piano playing doesn’t work. I tried it for a few hours and nothing happened.”
Isn’t Eddie supposed to be a journalist? You’d think he’d learn a little tenacity from a job like that…
The other thing it reminds me of is Marvel’s master of meditation. If the two of them met, maybe Venom’s host could learn a thing or two about managing the darkness.
No, I’m not talking about Danny Rand. For a Buddhist warrior monk, the Immortal Iron Fist is not all that zen.
Take a list of the most valuable skills a 21st century person should have. There’ll be technical stuff on there, like decent programming and project management stuff. I leave those for better-qualified folk to talk about, because I’m focused on the rest.
Most of the list would be so-called soft skills. Things like emotional intelligence, public speaking, innovation and leadership. It might also include courage, resilience and other personality traits.
This juicy stuff elevates the stellar above the merely good.
Can you learn these? Sure. There are plenty of online courses and workshops out there. The quality varies though, so I hope you find a good one.
Or you could try it a different way.
If there’s one thing yours truly loves, it’s personal development. Sometimes I’m satisfied, often I’m happy, but I’m always hungry for more.
I know that the person I’ll be in six years (or six months) is so incredible that I can’t wait to meet him.
I’ve spend thousands and travelled across the world for the promise of self-improvement.
What I’m saying is that I’m a fan.
And, my friend, I love studying. When it’s the right material presented the right way, I enjoy it. It’s a chore for most people, but it’s how I relax.
So you might wonder how many personal development courses I’m doing right now. And maybe I have some recommendations?
Well, it depends on what you mean by that. I’m learning real, concrete skills in my spare time. But if we limit the list to courses promising to double your brainpower, confidence, income…?
I’m learning zero of them.
And there’s a darn good reason why I avoid these courses like they’re radioactive: