The Patriarchy’s luckiest victim

In scrolling through a social media feed – a terrible use of my time, I know – I came across this meme:

“I’ve got 99 problems and they’re all caused by the white heteronormative patriarchy.”

This person is so lucky.

Imagine being able to solve all your problems by moving to a country with a black heteronormative patriarchy. Phew, 99 problems solved!

Yeah, yeah – it’s just a joke.

Except it’s a joke with a really sad punchline, and here it is:

Even if it were that simple, they still wouldn’t move – not for all the tea in India.

Lots of folks love being the victim.

I don’t say that to patronise or exaggerate. They literally love it. If they stop feeling like a victim too long, they actively seek out reasons to be anything but the hero.

I used to be like that. Sometimes, in my weakest moments, I slip back into these old habits. I don’t ask anyone to be perfect – merely well-equipped and willing to improve. Because whenever I feel myself slipping into these old patterns, I immediately do something about it.

That becomes my top priority until it’s resolved.

Folks seem to like being the victim because it’s comforting… like being swaddled. You abdicate all responsibility to the problem. You don’t have to do anything, feel responsible for your situation or even think for yourself.

Ah, freedom… or is that a form of imprisonment?

Funny how people get those mixed up…

Because as indulgent as that is, it doesn’t change anything.

A victim can’t change their circumstances – only a hero can. Bad things happen to both heroes and victims, the only difference is what they do about it.

Here’s how to be a hero:

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