How to stop feeling invisible

How many folk know you? I don’t mean your name and what you look like – how many folk in your life know the real you?

If I were to interview your family, friends, colleagues and neighbours, how many could tell me what you like to do?

What your values are?

Your dreams and aspirations?

I hope the answer is ‘many of them’.

But for a lot of us, that wouldn’t be the case. Folk you know – even those you’ve known for years, even decades – don’t know what goes on in your head.

It sucks. I’ve been there and it’s the worst kind of loneliness. People surround you, yet you’re utterly invisible.

It makes you want to do something drastic, just to be seen.

Just to make that feeling go away.

If that’s where your mind is leading you, then there’s truth in that. Positive and drastic action can get you the recognition and acceptance you deserve.

(Destructive and drastic action gets you attention, but not the kind that’ll help you. If you have the urge to go nuclear – literally or figuratively – there’s a better way.)

But before I go deeper into that, let me be blunt. If you’re suffering like this, then false politeness and beating around the bush won’t help you. Just know that I say this with love:

The problem is with you.

It’s not that your friends and colleagues are blind to your amazing inner world, it’s that you’re not sharing it.

Now, I’m not blaming you. If you’re like me, you had a situation (or a hundred) where opening up led to pain and ridicule. You closed down and put walls up in order to protect yourself.

Or maybe your story is different.

Either way, I’m not blaming you. I’m not blaming anyone because that would be pointless. If I could say “that guy over there caused all this!!” would that help you?


Okay, let’s move on.

One of two things is true:

Either you’re surrounded by decent folk who’ll accept you once they finally see you.

Or you’re not. In which case, becoming visible will attract decent folk to you. Not in any woo-woo, channelling the energies of the Universe sort of way. It’s simple psychology. People like to spend time with people they like. That’s so obvious, it’s a borderline truism.

But if no one can get a read on you, no one will know they want to be with you.

So far, so good. But let’s roll up our sleeves and talk about how.

  • Download Three-Score Navike and read it cover to cover.
  • Pick three habits that sound cool, interesting or useful.
  • Practice them.

When someone asks you what’s new with you, talk about these habits. Mention how far you’ve come and how far you want to go.

And, if you’re bold, talk about why you picked these three, as opposed to the other 57. What attracted you to them?

It might be slow going, but at least it’s movement in the right direction.

That just brings us to the first step. You can download it here right now:

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