Use it or dechoose it

How do you manage your dark side?

How do you handle your warped emotions, old scars, twisted desires and inner darkness?

Not by fighting it. If there’s one thing the darkness does well, it’s fight.

And not buy burying it, ignoring it and pretending it doesn’t exist.

Doing that doesn’t get rid of it – it only takes away your choice.

Let’s say you’re normally shy. Confidence and charisma lie inside of you, somewhere in your unconscious. If you were to work with me, I wouldn’t delete your shyness – I’d give you the choice to be shy or confident in any moment.

You might say you hate being shy and you’re sick of it. Fair enough, but there are times when it’s better to be reserved. You don’t have to be the centre of every party. Doing so will only drive folks away.

All personal growth is about giving you conscious control. Before, you instinctively did things one way. Now, you can choose.

Burying aspects of yourself is the opposite of personal growth.

It’s personal shrinkage, as you lose the ability to choose.

It’s just as Jung said – you can’t deny parts of yourself. If you try to bury them, they’ll come out in unpredictable and destructive ways.

Want to know where toxic masculinity comes from?

Buried masculinity.

The masculine self wants to strive, conquer, defend, achieve, toil, earn and build. These are all noble, wonderful and essential

If this desire lies unfulfilled and ignored, you seek to fulfil in other ways.

In some cases, you crave artificial substitutes for accomplishment, like video games.

For other people, they feel more destructive impulses. This is because they have no conscious access to their dark side, so they can’t control it – only succumb to it.

It’s not hopeless, though.

Many practices rebuild control and choice.

They can be as simple as sports and hobbies where you build something.

Meditation also works really well.

But if you really want to shine a light into your darkest corners?

First, you have to unshackle yourself from your self-imposed restrictions.

Don’t hide from the parts of you that scare you – face them.

Just as you don’t give in to them, you don’t deny them either.

Doing a Neural Reset before or after will help more than almost anything:

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